


Immortal Sins

by shinygreenwords



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Booker's Canon-Typical Suicidal Thoughts, Drama, Dysfunctional Relationships, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Infidelity, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani is an Incurable Romantic, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27682033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/shinygreenwords
Summary: Sometimes you’re good and sometimes you fall. No one’s perfect.(In which Nicky seduces Booker, Booker goes with it and Joe tries to understand.)
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Immortal Sins

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to [accrues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/accrues) for her help with beta reading this story. I love you.

> ###  **James 1:14-15**
> 
> But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Time has a way of lengthening when you’re bored. Or when you’re mostly immortal. You have a lot of time and much of it is filled with thoughts. Nicky tries to fill up his day with some sort of structure so it doesn’t feel so empty. He knows that with emptiness comes the haunting regrets and sorrows of opportunities lost, and there’s nowhere else to go from there. 

At first it was a fleeting thought, just something he noticed as he catalogued the objects in the room around him. They’ve just finished a job a day ago and they’re laying low. Waiting for the next job but they won’t know when. Joe watching a game with Booker on TV isn’t something Nicky isn’t really interested in but it doesn’t matter because he usually watches Joe. Even now, Nicky knows, he’s always looking at Joe: the slope of his forehead, the way his hair curls at his ears. He knows every callous in his hands, the way his hands feel on his skin, the way his hands feel when holding him- 

“Yes!” Booker leaps up to Joe’s matching groan. “Pay up, motherfucker!”

Booker is pure joy - he has his arms up, face smiling brightly even in the dim lightbulb of the dinghy hotel they’re staying in. He licks his lips and Nicky thinks, I wonder what he tastes like. 

Nicky flushes at the thought and immediately tells himself to stop it, like when he’s focusing on the job but the seed is already there. Why not? He’s not on a job and he’s curious, that’s all. He’s not actually going to do it.

***

The more Nicky tries not to think about it, the more he does think about it. And the more he thinks about it, the more he can’t help but see. He can see that Booker wakes up first in the cramped room and checks that everyone is still there. The way his ever-present frown is lost when he is asleep. The way he stands up and stretches when he’s been staring at the screen for a long time and there’s a thin strip of his skin showing-

-and Nicky’s mouth is dry and he looks away. 

***

It’s not that Nicky has never been curious about others. There was a time when he and Joe had sex with others but it was always them, together. He has not slept with another man without Joe. Definitely not another Immortal man. It’s always been Joe, Yusuf, his love and only his love. It doesn’t matter what century, what name Joe is using, Nicky has always known that they’re meant to be. It’s destiny. 

This is the one thing he holds on to and that he prays will never change. 

He also knows that more than one thing can be true - things might change. It’s what he told Yusuf centuries ago.

“Perhaps you will tire of me, when this is over,” he’d said to Yusuf, when they were first exploring this fragile thing between them. It was as if they had not just awoken from beyond death but something inside them, between them that could not be ignored. It came to them beyond dreams. It called to them like a burning bush that refuses to burn out.

“Never,” Yusuf was so certain and Nicky accepted his answer because he didn’t think he would need anyone else. Who else would he share his moments with? With Yusuf, he had already put his life and death in his hands. 

Still, Nicky gave him an out. Just in case. 

“I will not ask of you what you cannot give,” he said. And it’s still true now. They had an agreement. They never spoke of this again, but it was there, if they needed it. 

He doesn’t know why, why now but he accepts it because it’s been a long time. It’s only natural to think of it and he’s learned that fighting things that will eventually happen is just a waste of time. 

So he doesn’t fight it. 

***

The opportunity presents itself to Nicky and he wonders if this is one of those things that just happen for a reason. Andy and Joe go off to do some recon, Nicky is studying the blueprints of the building, and Booker is ordering some more supplies for them. The air is humid and the room seems airless. They only have a fan in this room and it doesn’t do much at all, blowing the hot air around. 

Booker has already stripped down to his undershirt, sweat patches visible at his neck and armpits. He taps on the table next to himself, muttering in French as he types something into his phone. Then he looks up at the screen, banging the table and swearing when it’s black even though he’s moving the mouse. “Fuck, it’s too hot, it’s overheated the laptop.”

“It’s a piece of crap,” Nicky says. “You said you needed to upgrade it years ago.”

“You’re a piece of crap,” Booker says drily. “I can smell you from here. It’s so fucking hot, I hate it.”

“Really?” Nicky laughs, shifting in the heat. “That the best you got, Book? Weak with a little heat?” He goes over to the fridge to get them both glasses of water with a generous amount of ice, with an exaggerated swagger. 

“Thanks. Ugh,” Booker says. “I really don’t know why people think you’re so innocent.” 

“It’s because people only really see what they want to see,” Nicky says with a shrug of his shoulder. “Yusuf has seen everything,” Nicky quirks his eyebrows, wagging them. 

Booker covers his eyes, “I don’t want to know. I feel like I already know too much.”

Nicky pokes at the opening. He turns his body so he’s fully facing him even though Booker’s eyes are still covered. “Do we make you feel uncomfortable? Is it because we’re both men?”

“No!” Booker says quickly, dropping his hands and looking at Nicky with concern. “It’s not _that_ , okay, I know that you are made for each other and everything. It’s just...yeah. I don’t need to know.”

Nicky gives Booker a soft smile. “I know,” he says and then he leans forward. “But do you ever wonder what it’s like to be with… someone like us?” He leaves it open for Booker to fill in gaps, knowing that the other man will understand. 

Booker looks at Nicky quickly with surprise before looking down. Not before Nicky catches the longing and hunger in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter,” he says quietly. “There is no one else.”

It’s not a no. 

Nicky moves over, not touching Booker but within reach. “It does matter,” he says, after it’s been too long. “Everyone thinks things sometimes, it’s,” he bites his lip. “It’s a part of life and our lives are very long.” He takes a deep breath. In and out. “I can help. If you want to know.” 

“What?” Booker says dumbly. 

Nicky simply looks and waits. 

Booker pushes his chair back with a noisy squeak, looking horrified. He raises his hands in surrender, words spilling out of him. “No way. Joe will kill me. I know I can’t die but he’ll find a way to make me wish I was dead.” He points to Nicky, “And don’t tell me he won’t know, he’ll know.” 

“We have an arrangement,” Nicky says, the words coming out of him easily. “And it doesn’t have to be anything more. Doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“What?” 

Nicky gives Booker his best smile and leans closer. “Kiss me.”

He kisses Booker on his cheek, feeling the familiar texture of a beard but this one is softer, lighter. Booker isn’t moving so he kisses him just on the edge of his lips, keeping his hands loose. 

“Trust me,” he says into the shell of his ear. 

“I-” 

“Sebastien,” he breathes and Booker stills at his name. 

“Just let me take care of you.”

Nicky means to tell Yusuf, honestly he does. But he can’t explain it, even to himself, why. And he doesn’t want to hurt Yusuf or leave him. So why tell him if it’ll only hurt him? He doesn’t need to know. This is between him and Sebastien. 

It’s not until it happens again and again that Nicky convinces Booker that he’s not breakable, that he wants to be broken. He wants to be experimented on, wants everything to be new again. He doesn’t mind if it hurts, in fact, he welcomes it. He had hoped that he could give Booker a release, something different but being with Sebastien… he gets a release too. 

> ###  **Exodus 20:14**
> 
> “You shall not commit adultery.

Joe is used to being patient. He has been patient for years and years but it seemed like his whole life, he’s been waiting for Nicolo. Nicolo makes the pain of the years feel bearable, light even. He knows the way it sounds but what would people know? Them, with their little years, they could never know the cold dread of separation. The purposelessness that can follow you with decades of wandering in a world desecrated by war over and over again. How do you know when you’re on the right side? What keeps you from losing yourself?

Even when the world feels like it’s shifted entirely, Joe knows how it is to be still, to feel untouched like a rock in the river. Everything just flows past.

This place has a small shower so he says, “You go first, I’ll get our things.” He kisses Nicky on the cheek. He can smell the faint smell of gunpowder but also of his lover’s cologne. Nicolo always smells like home and he can’t resist sliding his arms around his waist. He isn’t sure whether Nicolo is being considerate so that Joe never smells _him_ or whether he’s just too good at hiding it. 

But not good enough. Does he want Joe to know? 

“You sure?”

“You’ve earned it.” Joe makes himself let go, feeling every bit of the distance between them in the cramped room.

Joe waits until Nicky is in the shower and then he goes out to the car. Booker is unloading their luggage. Joe helps to haul their bags to the dusty ground. He waits until Booker closes the trunk. 

“Booker,” he says. 

“I think that’s it.”

“I just want to know,” Joe says, dropping all the bags in his hands. “Tell me the truth.”

Booker isn’t looking at Joe. “About?”

“Look at me, I want to know, why Nicky?” Joe hates that his voice cracks a bit. 

“Shit,” Booker says, running his hands through his hair. He sighs. “I’m sorry.” He can’t look at Joe, he can hear the heartbreak. “I didn’t mean to, I don’t know what to say. Fuck. He told me you had an arrangement.”

“We do,” Joe says, already defending Nicky. He crosses his arms, just to keep his hands busy. 

“Why don’t you talk to Nicky?” Booker says with an edge of desperation. They Don’t Talk About It. It’s just something they don’t talk about and he figured that was part of the arrangement too. 

“He’ll tell me when he’s ready.” Joe already feels like he’s saying too much. This is between him and Nicky.

“Do you, um, want me to stop?”

“I trust Nicky.” Joe doesn’t say he trusts him but Booker, he thinks he will understand. 

“Aren’t you going to threaten me?” Booker asks. He’s wiping his hands on his jeans. 

“No. I don’t need to.” 

Joe picks up the bags and starts walking. He doesn’t look back. 

***

Joe finds himself awake in the night. He’s straining to listen for anyone else awake. In this room, this time, this place it’s only Nicky and him. Only he is awake. He can feel his heart pounding. Why?

In this wide night, they are alive and Nicky is here and he wonders if this will be the thing that makes him doubt. Does it matter when Nicky is here? In the lifetimes they’ve spent together, so what if Nicky spends a few hours with someone else? Is it Joe being selfish? Maybe he should put himself in Booker’s shoes… if he didn’t have his Nicky-

-he would not feel like this is living. He is sure of it. It is enough. It has to be.

***

He holds on to the things that are important, like Nicolo, in front of him - breathing, whole again. It never stops feeling impossible. A gift. 

“Sono qui,” Nicolo coughs. 

All the color floods back into the room, his vision feels sharper. He releases the breath that he was holding. Nicolo surges to meet him, catching the breath from his lungs. 

Later, when they can be alone, he presses his forehead to Nicky’s in the shower, shaking hands tracing his outline. His hands ache to be reminded that the wounds are gone.

“Sono qui,” Nicolo says, cupping Joe’s face. His eyes are soft, gentle and beautiful as when Joe first fell in love. He tries to brush Joe’s tears away even under the weak spray of the shower head. He kisses him on the forehead, on his cheeks and mouths at his tears. “I’m okay, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Joe didn’t even know he’s crying but now that he knows, he’s not sure he knows how to stop. There’s a small part of him that thinks he should be angry too but he just feels tired and too stretched out. He’s glad too that he can blame this on what he’s seen today, not on the images that come unbidden in his mind at night.

“Breathe, habibi. With me.” 

Joe does and then he is inhaling water and he feels like he’s drowning with the weight of it all.

Nicolo places Joe’s hand on his chest. “See? My heart beats, it beats for you, Yusuf Al-Kaysani.” 

They keep kissing as they get out of the shower, water dripping everywhere. He doesn’t care, he needs to touch, to tell himself this is real. From the freckle on his hip, the dusting of hair on his arms and the way his toes curl when they’re tangled together. 

Joe loves that they know each other’s rhythm. After years, there’s no need to talk. He knows just what Nicky wants and he gives it to him. Like he knows that Nicky likes him to touch his nipples to get him closer, the scrape of fingers at his lower back and that he wants it rough. Especially after a job, Nicolo likes sex with the edge of pain, he likes the burn and the rush of it. Joe takes his time after, kissing him in every place that still has a mark. By the time they’ve all faded, Nicolo is sleepy and sated. 

It’s after, Yusuf buries his face in Nico’s neck so that he can ground himself in this scene. He wants to tell his heart that he can tell him anything, that he would forgive him anything, but he doesn’t want to add or take anything away from the moment. 

“I’m so lucky to have you,” Nicky says, dropping a kiss to his head before he settles for bed. 

They draw apart and together again in a practiced dance. 

Yusuf holds Nicky tighter in reply. 

> ###  **1 Corinthians 10:13**
> 
> No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Sebastien should say no. 

He has told himself this many times but somehow, he ends up saying yes to Nicky. 

At first he blamed it on curiosity, then it was loneliness, then it was boredom and then after a while the reason doesn’t really matter. 

Sebastien should say no. 

Time just flows around him. All that matters is the moments he can steal. Sebastien knows not to ask, or perhaps he is afraid to ask. He will take whatever Nicky offers.

Sebastien should say no. 

Whatever it is, it eases the numbness of all the years, if for a little while. He isn’t numb when he’s with Nicky. It’s… something between pleasure and pain but he’s been numb for so long it’s hard to know which is which. 

He tells himself it’s the feeling he is addicted to, it’s not the sex, it’s not Nicky. Nicky who is both gentle and ruthless. Nicky who always asks for what Sebastien wants and then gives it to him. 

“Is this enough?” Nicky says breathily, his hand on Sebastien’s shaft and his own, working them with a light pressure. He’s already taken them both to the edge without taking them over, not yet. 

(Sebastien should say no.)

He can’t find the words, the sensation is wonderful, overwhelming, impossibly perfect. 

“Sebastien,” Nicky exhales, “please, I’m close. I want to-”

He arches up, reaching for Nicky so he can pull him into a kiss,

“Yes.”

***

Even unspoken, there are things that Sebastien knows. He knows he’s not supposed to ask Nicky to stay. He’s not supposed to ask for more. He’s not supposed to want more. 

It’s when he has his arms around Nicky, Nicky’s fingers brush tenderly along his arms. It’s a scene he’s seen before, Joe spooning behind Nicky but this time it’s Nicky in front of him and he’s the one holding him. Nicky’s voice is rough when he says, “I can stay for a little longer.”

He doesn’t say no. 

***

Everyone needs something to hold on to. Joe and Nicky have each other. Andy has her grief and nightmares like he does, but sometimes you need more than that. They’ve shared a bed so many times that they no longer care for the space between them. 

Sebastien’s a light sleeper so it doesn’t take much to wake him, a skill that is useful in their line of work. He stays still and he trains his ears to check that they are safe, his fingers ready to reach for his gun. 

Blue light is seeping in from the edges of the curtains so he knows it’s not the morning that has woken him. 

He can hear Andy breathing quietly and rhythmically like she’s trying counting the seconds in between. He can’t taste the sea or feel the burn in his throat. No, it’s not one of those nights. This is one of those where the nightmares are hers alone.

“Andy,” he says softly. Her back is facing him and she doesn’t turn but her breath stutters for a moment. 

Booker touches her back tentatively so she can pull away if she wants to but she doesn’t. She leans into his touch, ever so slightly. 

He rubs her back, feeling helpless. He thinks of what he can say, but he doesn’t know anything that would make it better. He doesn’t say anything at all and lets the time pass with them both facing the dark, breathing. 

***

It’s almost a relief to have another shared nightmare even if he wakes up alone on the train. 

***

Booker is buzzed enough that he only just manages to stop himself from joking that Nile will get to live long enough to regret everything. He knows he’s not supposed to say he wakes up disappointed that he is still alive. It is true that they dread being captured, but sometimes he dreads being trapped in this body more, forced to live out lifetimes, pretending that this fight is enough. That enough wrongs might make it right. 

It’s not always a blessing to have more time, it’s a jail sentence. And though he doesn’t believe in God, he does wonder if he has managed to piss off some cosmic deity enough that they think that even hundreds of deaths aren’t enough to satisfy them. Or perhaps it’s just nothingness. 

There is no comfort to be had either way. 

But still, when Nile jerks awake, he’s reminded that it could always be worse. 

It’ll get worse before it gets better. 

He pulls out his phone and types his reply to Copley before he can change his mind. 

***

“Just because we keep living,” he explains, “doesn’t mean we stop hurting.”

It makes him feel old and he’s reminded again that he should know better. 

***

“You selfish piece of-”

“Joe, leave it. Please!”

Hearing Nicky defend him breaks the blessed feeling of the numbness. It hurts to know that he can betray him and Nicky would still try to protect him. But he knows he’s gone too far. 

“What would you know of the weight of all these years alone?” He laughs, the emptiness in him expanding. The words are spilling out of him now and he feels like he’s eviscerating himself, exposing all of his insides in the cold, sterile room. “You and Nicky always had each other, right?”

“You’re a very pathetic man.”

“Joe, stop!”

His heart is pounding and it's like he's watching himself from the outside.   
  
“And all we had was our grief.” 

He refuses to look at Andy because he does feel bad about it, he’s fucked it all up. He can hear more shouting but he tunes it out. Perhaps living a long life just meant making more mistakes. 

Grief is an all encompassing word - he could have said loneliness, sadness, regrets. He’s so tired of having to grieve those whose lives have been lost and the lives he’s lost. He’s tired of grieving the loss of everyone around him. Everyone who has loved and left him for one reason or another.

The room shrinks until the door opens loudly. He sits up, “Nile?” 

His eyes flicker to Nile, hers still so bright with hope even when the odds are stacked against them. He can’t bear it. When she reaches for the clasps on his legs, he shakes his head. “Just leave me here.”

It’s frustrating that now, now when he wants them to leave him they don’t but he knows that they will, eventually, on their own terms. He deserves it. 

Sebastien can’t say no to Andy when she gives him a new mission - he’s always looked to her for purpose, even now, past the point of no return. When she says his nickname. Like she would still forgive him. It aches. 

It was a fucked up thing to do and whatever Andy says, it does change things. He thought that maybe he could leave them and that it would feel different if it was on his terms. Now he knows it’s the same feeling as being left behind. 

So he follows.

***

Nile felt herself freefalling and then she didn’t feel the impact at all. 

She woke up with Booker offering him her hand. 

She takes it without hesitating. 

They all go home as a family.

Tomorrow, she would learn that they would have to sentence Booker and that there would be a _price._ For now they washed off all the blood and they could just be with each other without being chased by their demons.

She must have known though that they would need to be on the move because she wakes up early full of restless energy. She decides to go for a run. It's when she is rounding the corner of their street that she sees. 

***

It would have been easier if Nicky was angry. Booker heard Nicky get up and he followed because he needed to tell him. Needed him. It doesn’t matter now. He follows him downstairs with as much stealth as he can, he knows Nicky knows by the way he walks but he doesn’t want the others to know.

“Nicky.”

“Don’t.” Nicky shrugs off his hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Nicky.”

Nicky does a quick grasp of their surroundings and it’s still early enough that the street is empty. He grabs Booker by his collar and slams him against the wall. “Don’t.” 

Booker holds his hands out, palms facing. Empty-handed. 

Nicky looks at him with the full intensity of a sniper scoping his target. Booker can read his disappointment but maybe also sadness, and that’s so much worse. When Nicky brings his hand up, he has to fight to hold still because he figures if Nicky wanted to hit him, he would have and Booker would let him. 

Booker blinks as Nicky cups his face gently. “I am too. You deserve better, Sebastien. From all of us.” There’s a pause as Nicky uses his thumb to stroke his cheek. “From me.” 

Before he can say anything Nicky presses their lips together, licking at the bottom of his lip, seeking permission. Booker opens for him and they kiss unhurriedly, tongues and hands tangling. Nicky kisses him like he’s not afraid of them being seen, like a secret that could be told. 

When they part, Nicky presses their foreheads together. “Let me take care of you this time and promise me, you’ll take care of yourself,” he says. 

Booker nods once, unable to look away but shifting his weight on his feet because he feels like he’s being cut open by Nicky’s gaze. 

“Promise me, Sebastien.”

“I- I’ll try,” Booker says.

Nicky gives a half-smile and then he drops to his knees. 

When Nicky kisses him one last time, he can taste himself and goodbye.

***

Nile always feels like she’s learning and it’s never enough. Every single time she feels like she gets closer, the goal posts move further away. Still, she’s settling into the way their little family works. Andy still being their fearless leader even though she’s not the same now. Nile can see the way that her gait is still as determined as ever even though sometimes, she touches her side like she is troubled by the ghost of her wound.

She thinks about her newfound family. 

Joe who loves to read poetry and paint when they aren’t on the run. He isn’t a morning person but he’s always the one that’s first to be packed. 

Nicky who loves to cook and hums when he doesn’t think anyone is paying attention. He recites his prayers whilst cleaning his weapons. 

Booker who shared the most painful parts of himself with her and the Booker she’s supposed to forget about. 

And Andy. Andy who loves them all and feels like it’s her responsibility to see them through with what she has left. 

***

“What do you think about keeping secrets?” Nile says casually, kicking at the sand at her feet. She is curious, them living with each other, she figures there isn’t much that they don’t know about each other. But still, there are the things she knows that they don’t tell each other and she doesn’t know if it’s just because they don’t want to talk about it, they don’t need to talk about it or they aren’t ready to talk about yet. 

Andy is looking out at the horizon, eyes scanning the dark waves under the tangerine sky. It’s not yet dawn and there’s a chill in the air. “What kind? The ones we keep for others or the ones that we keep for ourselves?” 

“Maybe more of the first kind. But I am not sure.”

“I listen to my instincts. Secrets are only as powerful as you make them. We aren’t meant to know everything and once you let go of that, not knowing something doesn’t take any power from you. And some things that are told to us are not ours to tell.” Nile can feel Andy’s eyes searching her face, her posture. “What did you see?” 

“I don’t think it’s my story to tell,” Nile says quickly. “I guess maybe I don’t need to. It’s… complicated.”

Andy smiles, “Things are rarely simple. What you’ve lived for as long as I have, knowing doesn’t change things.”

Nile listens to the waves crashing and then unfurling unhurriedly as the waters retreats. “I think if it was me I would want to know. But I don’t know, I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.” She sighs. “It bothers me because it’s like, I don’t know if I am doing the right thing or the wrong thing.”

Andy raises a brow. “Knowing doesn’t change that. People can know what is right and still choose wrong.”

“I know,” says Nile. “It sounds stupid and naive, but,” she gazes at Andy, seeing her old eyes and forces herself to see past it. She knows that Andy also feels compassion, trust, love. She believes even though she’s been battling against humanity’s better demons since before she can remember. And Nile has only just started. “I just want to get it right.”

Andy holds her gaze. “We can try.” 

They sit and watch the tiny ball of light as it blossoms, painting a pastel palette into the sky and reminding them of the promise and possibilities of another new day. 

**Author's Note:**

> First story for this fandom! Haven't been in fandom for a while and haven't written a story in almost 4 years haha. Sometimes fandom just chooses you. Let's see if I have more stories left in me...


End file.
